I finally got out of bed at 5:45 am since my body decided it was going to do the jerks all night and my back and hips wanted to just throb! Now I take a multitude of medications before bed.....Oxycodone, Lyrica, Savella and Zanaflex. On normal nights I knock out and stay knocked out, but the last two nights haven't been normal. I would have thought that on Monday night, I would have slept all night seeing as how I had a long drive that day to get home and my husband and I went out to dinner and grocery shopping. No such luck, so last night I just knew I was going out and staying out! My body had other plans, again! I have a Dr.'s appt. today and a therapist appt. I hope I can get through them without conking out in their offices. HA! Not that I wish any more pain on myself but I would love to be in a flare just one time while in my pain Dr.'s office! I don't know how to get what I need and I don't know what I need! I think I need a neurologist to figure out if this Adhesive Arachnoiditis is what's causing my spasms at night and the jerking like Elaine on Seinfeld when she tries to dance! HA!!
My body is breaking down, my health is good but my body isn't. My heart and lungs and other organs all working great. No diabetes, cholesterol just slightly above where they would have it, so I really shouldn't complain right? But I do because it eats at me and eats at me that I am only 51 and to me these should be my enjoyable years, instead, I have to lay around in pain, night after night and I start having the worst thoughts. All the negative things come creeping out.....I start getting anxiety and I start itching all over. I am so scared that I am going to wind up in a wheelchair. I am sure I have said all of this already, but I am scared that I have something worse than what I have been diagnosed with and they are just missing it. Maybe I don't, but when I lay in bed with my body acting crazy, it's all I can think about. Do I have a neurological problem besides the spinal cord trauma? It seems that every time I have an episode, it gets worse. I know my body and boy do I keep a close eye on it. All these muscle problems scare me more than the pain. I hope that there is nothing else and everyone who has AA would probably say, that's all part of it. I just wish I could put my logical cap on when I am in a flare but that sucker is hiding under the bed or somewhere! I may be able to get a nap before I have to go to the Dr. I am absolutely dumbfounded as to how I can sleep during the day but the night brings me so much pain and suffering! Simply dumbfounded!
Negativity, worry and anxiety, things I shouldn't have as a Christian and I know it! Pain is evil and it doesn't care that you are supposed to turn it over to God, it just wraps around your brain and squeezes all the good you have in you out for that little while you're in the flare! I am working on that part with my therapist. She is a Christian counselor and that helps me a lot! Y'all have a great day and remember this.....Matthew 6:27 Who Of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Love to you all,
Cindy
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