Happy Easter

I just want to say, Happy Easter to all of my followers! I hope you enjoy your day with your family. I want to get into the pain management part of my condition next week....until then, have a very blessed Sunday! Luke 24:6 says He is not here;he has risen! 

Yes, I CAN!

I have still been struggling the last week with pain in my back, pain in my elbows and burning, stinging nerve pain in my arms. I don't know why they can't do something besides keep giving me these stupid steroid shots for my elbows that do not work anymore. I tell them, but they don't seem to hear me. Why is it that Doctors are more worried about losing their license for prescribing medications that actually help a person in pain other than worrying about the patient themselves? Look, I have been on pain meds for years now, off and on. I have a high tolerance for them unfortunately so they don't work very long for me. Now I am sure if I were to stop taking my daily doses I would know just how much they do help, but for those days with the flares so extremely painful, I should have a right, to have some kind of medicine that will take that pain away! My Dr. should have a right to treat me how he sees fit to treat me without fear of retribution. I am sure that there are many ways to tell if a Dr. is running a pill mill without making every Dr. in America feel like they are being scrutinized at every turn. Everyone's pain is different. I have extreme pain flares in my back from the Adhesive Arachnoiditis. I have had numerous surgeries and have had back pain on and off for 23 years now since my first surgery, but never anything like this! Arach is a burning hell in your spine and it doesn't let up and it goes away when it feels like it, all you can do is ride the rollercoaster until it stops! The joint pain I suffer with is different than the back pain. When it is in a flare, guess what? Nothing helps it either. I mean I am already on pain medication and these things still happen so common sense would say, she needs something else when she has flares. Anti inflammatories work on a low pain day, but not on a HIGH pain day or should I say NIGHT! Sometimes I loathe the darkness. Seems that's when my pain is worse, oh and if it's raining, don't even want to go there. I keep telling myself that I don't need to write this blog, that no one wants to hear me whine every day, but it does help me to talk about it. I don't feel like I am in this lonely hell with no outlet. This is it, my outlet. I may not write every day, I may not have anything to say every day, but I am going to keep writing when my brain says let it go.....here I am letting it go, so it doesn't bog my brain down with poor me all day. I do pray, I turn to God more about myself when I am in pain, most days, my prayers are for others. I fight this pain, I try and live a happy, normal life. I don't stay inside and hide every day, I do in the winter but Spring is here now and I will be out more. I don't want to just lay around every single day and wish I was outside, and wish I were visiting others, or wish I was going to that movie. I get up and I do it. I think if I stopped doing it, I would give up. Yes, I whine a lot, but I don't give up and that's important. I never knew how strong I really was until I became afflicted with these painful conditions. I have learned that just because I have a need to talk about it, it doesn't mean I am seeking attention or wanting pity, I am just releasing this tension I hold on myself about it. I am releasing guilt I feel when I can't do things, I am releasing all pressures I put on myself on a daily basis to not let anyone know I hurt. I will let you know, I have to let you know, it's a burden that can't be kept inside, if it is, the consequences would not be good.  Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.....Yes, I can!
Love to you all,
Cindy