Oh My Aching Back!

My life with chronic pain started at 40 years of age. 11 years ago, 11 years of pain that just gets worse and worse, which is why I decided to write this blog. I NEED an OUTLET! I am a talker, always have been. I also always worked with the public, so becoming disabled really caused me a lot of depression. I missed communicating with others on a daily basis. Thank God Facebook was invented! It has helped me stay in touch with the outside world where I wouldn't normally be able to as much as I would like. But anyway, let me get to the story..... I became permanently disabled after a fusion surgery at 40. My back problems started very young as did my arthritis problems, everything else has come in the last couple of years, but I'll talk about the back first. I had my first back surgery at 28 years of age. Got up one morning and fell in the floor. My legs didn't work. Then I went through all the pain and agony waiting for surgery. I had a ruptured disc so they went in and removed most of it. They couldn't remove it all because it was close to a main artery and he said he risked cutting it by removing the entire disc and that would mean death. I was so scared! I had two little girls who needed me and all I could think was "who is going to take care of them if I am paralyzed or something from this surgery?" I can honestly say, this was my first experience where I went to God in prayer and I know he listened and helped me be okay, because the night before surgery, I asked him to help me to trust him and the doctors and let me know everything would be okay. After saying that prayer, I went fast to sleep, no laying awake all night worried. The next morning, everything went smoothly, the IV went in without pain, I wasn't nervous at all and I know all of this was God's hand, taking all that fear and anxiety away! Well I went into surgery and the Dr. removed what he could & I woke up in NO pain!  I got up after surgery and bounced out of bed and down the stairs to go smoke, ( I don't smoke now.) Anyway, my surgeon was impressed and sent me home the next day because I was doing so well. Skip ahead 12 years when I turned 40. After being mostly pain free for most of the 12 years after my first surgery, I was not ready for my next round with my back. I was working in the kitchen and I was just turning around in the middle of the floor and I went down, once again my legs wouldn't work. The pain I felt was so excruciating! That pain is a pain you don't want ever again. It's scary, to the point that getting it again is still one of my biggest fears. I must have been screaming bloody murder because my now 14 year old granddaughter still remembers that day so vividly! She reminds me of it every now and then, "Grandma, do you remember when you fell in the kitchen floor and yelled, my back, my back?" "Yeah, Brianna, I sure do!" So, my husband at the time was called home from work and he called an ambulance while he and my daughter got me up and in the bed. When the ambulance arrived they had to lift me off the bed as I still couldn't walk. They took me to the ER and I was given injections for pain that finally allowed me to feel good enough to walk. Both times, when I was 28 and at 40, the waiting for surgery was so bad. I couldn't sit on a kitchen chair long to eat, the edge of the chair hurt my legs. I would sit in a tub and couldn't lay my legs down in the water. The pain pills, they barely touched the pain. The diagnosis was worse this time, they would have to do a fusion at L5-S1, if I remember correctly. And he wanted to know why the other disc wasn't removed completely, I told him the other surgeon was worried about hitting that artery. He said he could do that now, no problem so they would remove that, and some scar tissue off of a nerve that was causing me pain and do the fusion. He told me, afterwards I could be better, the same or worse. Well, I got a little of the better and worse. Trying to remove the scar tissue left me with a lot of nerve damage in my left leg, which left me with pins and needles pain, numbness and a big toe that had a tic, yes a tic, whenever it felt like it, it would start tic, tic, tic and drive me nuts! The fusion left me with some pain mostly when the weather changed, the cold, damp weather, instant pain and I told the Dr. it was like I could feel the metal in my back which he thought was just impossible, I beg to differ! I wasn't able to do the things that I used to do and at the time, I worked in a retail store and had a lot of standing, lifting and moving things to do. The limitations put on me, like not picking up anything heavier than 10 lbs, really made it hard on me. I didn't hurt continuously anymore, but I wasn't able to do anything like I used to that's why they gave me my disability. OK! I think I have written enough for today. My back isn't feeling too good now, so I am going to stop the story until tomorrow, or maybe later if I decide I can sit a little longer in this chair! Thanks for reading and I will get back to it as soon as I can!
Love to all,
Cindy