WOW! 2 days ago I was in so much pain all I did was whine! I mean, shoot, I was hurting! Today, we had errands to run and I actually felt great for a change. I took it easy yesterday so maybe that's why. I do still find it just flat out crazy that I can be in so much pain and so much despair one day and the next I feel better. I wish I could get a grip on it, but my Dr. either won't or can't help me like I need. Man, it just doesn't seem fair. I read a meme today that said "It's just a constant battle: me against my body; my passions and my dreams and what I want to do with my life, against what I'm physically able to do." Austin Carlile, Of Mice and Men. It fits me so well and I know millions of others who are fighting this battle against chronic pain! I have so much that I thought I would be doing with my life with my husband in his retirement. Traveling, getting the grand babies, having people over often for dinner and grilling and on and on and on, but I don't have it in me to do all of these things as often as I had planned. I'm not getting to travel much, riding, driving and all of the hustle and bustle of taking a trip is just too much on me. Getting the grands once a year for a week is ok, it's easy to get the older ones to the beach and just sit and relax while they play. But when they go home, I crash! Going to my hometown to see the babies and my parents and my kids is a hard trip and it's only 4 hours away. I make myself do it! I have to or I don't know when I would see them. I miss walking the neighborhood, riding my bike, working. My life and my body have taken a detour from what I think is half way normal! So I went and ran errands today because I felt so good and I have to clean house tomorrow and am praying I am up to it. We have friends coming to watch a movie with us tomorrow eve, so I will make myself do what I have to! I will make myself entertain and if I have to crash the rest of the week then so be it. Shoot, I have to have a life of some kind, even if I have to paste on a smile to get through it, fake it or whatever, I have to have one, one that seems normal sometimes, ( whatever that is ) I just have to! Wouldn't be worth living if I couldn't. Anyway, not feeling sorry for myself today, no pity parties, but stay tuned, there will be one soon I have no doubt! James 1:12 says this..Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Y'all take care of yourselves and have a low pain evening!
Love to you all!
Cindy
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